Stingy. Fat. Smart. Dependable. Felon. Reliable. Thief. Funny. Charismatic. Clingy. Nice

These are not just words. These are judgements we make about ourselves or others or have even been made about us. You see, we all judge. That doesn’t make it right, but it does make it a real issue that most of us do so often we don’t even think about. It is automatic.

Think about that time you asked a friend to borrow some money and they said no. What judgement did you make about them? How about the time you ran into the gas station and saw a person sitting on the curb asking for change? What judgement did you make about them? What about your cousin that got pregnant by a married man? What did you think of her?

But we can manage our judgements. Referencing a specific behavior removes the degree of subjectivity and judgement. You make a judgement by naming a behavior. Instead, describe the behavior.

The next still you feel compelled to call a friend unreliable, think about a specific instance that made you think they were unreliable; and say that. Instead of saying, ‘you are unreliable’, say, “you know, the last time I called you to do me a favor, you said you come over by 7PM, but you didn’t show up. Then you didn’t answer my phone calls for over a week.” 

I bet it will make for an interesting conversation.